HSC-style question
You have been invited to write an article for a teenage magazine called Youth and Belonging.
In your article, analyse the ways in which belonging is represented in the texts you have studied.
Texts: The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan and 'Welcome Stranger' by Stephanie Dowrick
Introduction
A powerful sense of belonging is closely tied to the way in which people see themselves in their society. This is particularly the case for youth of today. ‘Youth and Belonging’ investigates how young people learn to belong in families and peer groups from their parents and the community they live in and the society they are a part of. The magazine considers how the relationships young people form with adults becomes important for their development of self esteem, self confidence and self awareness. The impact on youth of migration and mother daughter relationships in cross-cultural families is explored in Amy Tan’s ‘The Joy Luck Club’. Stephanie Dowrick’s opinion piece from the Good Weekend titled ‘Welcome Stranger’, argues that teaching our children to value ‘including’ others develops a sense of well being and strength of character.
First body paragraph
Topic sentence
As portrayed in the beginning of ‘Voices from the Wall’, Lena’s imagination as a young girl affects her perception of the world and her culture, preventing her from connecting with her Chinese heritage.
Main points
- Lena interprets what she is told about her family into horrible images of death and destruction, demonstrating her mistrust of her own culture.
- She perceives the beggar sentenced to death by her great-grandfather through images of pain and suffering.
- Lena thinks that it does matter to ‘know what is the worst possible thing that could happen to you’ as this is the only way to avoid its affect.
- The horrible things Lena’s sees with her Chinese eyes shows the difference between Chinese girls and Caucasian girls, saying that she saw things that they did not, emphasising her isolation from the dominant American culture.
Key quotes
‘Sword was cutting me down’, ‘cleaver to chop up his bones’
‘unspeakable terrors’ that ‘chased’ Lena’s mother
‘lightning striking down little children’, ‘squashing a beetle with the face of a child’,
‘dangerous monkey rings’, ‘tether balls splashing a girl’s head in front of laughing girls in a playground’
‘Knowing the worst possible thing that could happen to you’
Second body paragraph
Topic sentence
The composer illustrates through visual images of characters how perceptions of physical appearances can prevent meaningful belonging, especially for youth.
Main points
- Description of Lena’s appearance indicates her half Chinese and half Irish heritage - shows that she finds it difficult to belong to both cultures
- She identifies her eyes as being from her mother, with no eyelids, showing how she longed for rounder eyes, like other Caucasians.
- Lena compares her eyes to her mother’s in a photo taken on her wedding day.
- Lena’s mother is declared a Displaced Person, the authorities not knowing how to categorise her on her release from Angel Island Immigration Station as they did not have a category for Chinese wife of a Caucasian person.
- Her father innocently changes the identity of her mother, incorrectly writing her name and year of birth.
- The photo also shows her mother’s displacement through the wedding dress and Westernized jacket she is wearing.
- Father misinterprets Lena’s mother’s startled look in the photograph as being due to her confusion about the word ‘cheese’ said by her father when the photo was taken.
- Lena suggests that her mother continued to look ‘waiting for something to happen’, only later she lost the ‘struggle to keep her eyes open’.
Key quotes
‘smooth as beach pebbles’, ‘faded in the sun’
Third body paragraph
Topic sentence
The composer uses the word ‘includer’ to establish the significance of helping others, especially youth, to belong in situations that are foreign to them.
Main points
- That including others has a profound effect on an individual’s well being and self esteem.
- Going out of your way to include others is just as important as being included.
- Teaching our children to be conscious of including others affects the way they see the world as they grow up – as either friendly or hostile.
- Actively including others improves a person’s social and personal confidence
Key quotes
‘includer’
‘vital for our own emotional health’
‘child alone in the playground’, ‘school girl being exiled’
‘sharer at Pre School’
‘disastrously’, ‘hurtful power plays’
‘intrinsically self-centred’
‘Great for them. Great for ourselves’
Conclusion
‘Youth and Belonging’ addresses how perceptions of the world have a profound affect on the way a young person identifies themselves, other people and the society they live in. For young people these perceptions are formed in childhood and are often established through family members and other adults. ‘The Joy Luck Club’ explores the valuable role culture plays in determining an individual’s sense of self and self awareness. Through establishing the importance of ‘including’ others in ‘Welcome Stranger’, the composer educates the responder on the significance of making others feel safe, especially during childhood, in order to assist their sense of belonging and feeling of well being in society.
Body paragraphs
As portrayed in the beginning of Voices from the Wall, Lena’s imagination as a young girl affects her perception of the world and her culture, preventing her from connecting with her Chinese heritage. Lena understands what she is told about her Chinese family through horrific images of murder – ‘Sword was cutting me down’, ‘cleaver to chop up his bones’ - demonstrating her mistrust of her own culture. She has an overactive imagination; she sees the worst in things, something she gets from her mother. Her mother interprets her daughter’s morbid thoughts as representing American culture; the morbid aspects of the culture she does not understand, although they are shared with Chinese culture. Lena perceives the beggar sentenced to death by her great-grandfather through images of pain and suffering - in this case through death. Her understanding of belonging goes beyond living - even through death one cannot escape pain and a harrowing sense of belonging. Lena thinks that it does matter to ‘know what is the worst possible thing that could happen to you’ as this is the only way to avoid its affect. ‘Knowing the worst possible thing that could happen to you’ becomes a metaphor for how people separate themselves from their own spirit and from their society. She thinks that these unspeakable things are what eat away at people from the inside. It’s these types of secrets that found their way to the ‘dark corner’ of her mother’s mind. She associates these thoughts are ‘devouring’ her mother until she became a ghost. As a young girl, Lena connects these horrible events in her mother’s life to a separation from the self and culture, obscuring her comprehension of meaningful belonging.
The composer illustrates through visual images of characters how perceptions of physical appearances can prevent meaningful belonging, especially for youth. The description of Lena’s appearance indicates her half Chinese and half Irish heritage, highlighting the difficulty Lena experiences belonging to both cultures. The composer uses similes to describe Lena’s ‘smooth as beach pebbles’ cheeks and her ‘faded in the sun’ skin. Lena’s eyes are from her mother, with no eyelids, emphasising how she longed for rounder eyes, like other Caucasians. This is shown through a visual image of her pushing her eyes in on the sides attempting to look Caucasian, although she seemed odd as her father asked her why she looked scared. The comparison of a photo of Lena and her mother with the same startled look connects the mother and daughter. The visual image of the photo helps the responder to understand Lena’s mother’s struggle to belong as she was declared a Displaced Person. The authorities did not know how to categorise her on her release from Angel Island Immigration Station as they did not have a category for Chinese wife of a Caucasian person. The composer uses an anecdote from Lena’s father to show that her mother lost her tiger spirit. Her father innocently changes the identity of her mother, incorrectly writing her name and year of birth. Her mother lost her name and became a ‘dragon’ instead of a ‘tiger’. The dress her mother is wearing in the photo further develops her mother’s displacement. She is wearing a traditional Chinese dress, a wedding gift form Lena’s father, with a ‘Westernized suit jacket’ covering up her heritage. The jacket looks awkward on her ‘small body’. Lena interprets the image of her mother as showing that she was ‘neither coming from nor going to someplace,’ an unusual thought considering it was her wedding day. Lena’s father misinterprets Lena’s mother’s startled look in the photograph as being due to her confusion about the word ‘cheese’ said by her father when the photo was taken. Lena suggests that her mother continued to look like she was ‘waiting for something to happen’. Later her mother lost the ‘struggle to keep her eyes open’, giving up hope of belonging comfortably in her new environment.
The composer uses the word ‘includer’ to establish the significance of helping others, especially youth, to belong in situations that are foreign to them. She emphasises ‘vital’ in ‘vital for our own emotional health’ to demonstrate that a sense of belonging through feeling included by others has a positive impact on our emotional well being. The composer feels we spend more time worrying about how we could be left out rather than how we can include others. She uses emotive words such as ‘disastrously’, ‘hurtful power plays’ to show that shunning is often used to create a sense of belonging, but at the ‘expense of others’. The composer is critical of this form of belonging as she states that it is ‘intrinsically self-centred’ and demonstrates ‘grave misunderstanding of what personal power’ represents. The composer outlines through the ages how we can be includers – a sharer at preschool, adults looking out for a person, colleagues being sensitive to a newcomer. However establishing the importance of ‘including’ others in childhood can have a powerful affect on how people perceive the world in adulthood. Teaching our children to be conscious of including others affects the way they see the world as they grow up – as either friendly or hostile. Actively including others improves a person’s social and personal confidence. In addition, the composer develops the idea that including others is relevant to all of us through imagery of common ways people exclude others such as the ‘child alone in the playground’ and the ‘school girl being exiled’ in the playground. Developing a positive sense of belonging therefore begins at an early age.
Activity
If you have studied The Joy Luck Club, use the modelled response as a guide to write a plan for the next three body paragraphs. On a separate piece of paper, write the paragraphs in full, using your notes.
Fourth body paragraph
Topic sentence
Main points:
Key quotes:
Fifth body paragraph
Topic sentence
Main points:
Key quotes:
Sixth body paragraph
Topic sentence
Main points:
Key quotes:
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Language Features of Analytical Responses
Activity
Refer to a substantial piece of writing that answers a HSC style question about your prescribed text for the following activity.
Discuss the language features used in the example.
Discuss the effectiveness of the language features used in the example.
How could language features be improved to clarify meaning and relate to belonging?
Narrative mode
• Analytical responses are usually written in the third person as this is a formal form of writing. Third-person narrative allows the writer to objectively comment on the events in the texts being analysed. Third-person narrative is indicated by words such as it, he, she, their, etc.
• First-person narrative is used when you are invited to give a personal response, for example, in a speech or an opinion piece. First person is indicated by words such as me, us, I, we, ours, etc.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Sentence choice
• Use a variety of sentence types. Simple sentences are often used in more informal writing, like speeches and magazine articles, rather than essays. However, complex sentences are still appropriate for informal forms of writing.
Example:
Effectiveness:
• Complex sentences are sentences which contain a number of ideas in the one sentence. They have multiple clauses.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Word choice
• Use connecting words to link ideas between paragraphs.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Evaluative language
• Use evaluative language to strengthen the argument. Evaluative language is language that attributes value or worth to an idea or statement.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Nominalisation
• Try to change verbs into nouns to sound more objective. This is called nominalisation. For example, the verb ‘behave’ becomes the noun ‘behaviour’, ‘judge’ becomes the noun ‘judgment’, and so on.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Abstract nouns
• Use abstract nouns to explain things. An abstract nouns is the name of a quality, state or action
Example:
Effectiveness:
Noun groups
• Use detailed noun groups to provide information in a compact form. Noun groups expand or elaborate on a noun.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Clause combinations
• Use complex combinations of clauses as contrast. Conjunctions like although, because and while provide the link between ideas.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Refer to a substantial piece of writing that answers a HSC style question about your prescribed text for the following activity.
Discuss the language features used in the example.
Discuss the effectiveness of the language features used in the example.
How could language features be improved to clarify meaning and relate to belonging?
Narrative mode
• Analytical responses are usually written in the third person as this is a formal form of writing. Third-person narrative allows the writer to objectively comment on the events in the texts being analysed. Third-person narrative is indicated by words such as it, he, she, their, etc.
• First-person narrative is used when you are invited to give a personal response, for example, in a speech or an opinion piece. First person is indicated by words such as me, us, I, we, ours, etc.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Sentence choice
• Use a variety of sentence types. Simple sentences are often used in more informal writing, like speeches and magazine articles, rather than essays. However, complex sentences are still appropriate for informal forms of writing.
Example:
Effectiveness:
• Complex sentences are sentences which contain a number of ideas in the one sentence. They have multiple clauses.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Word choice
• Use connecting words to link ideas between paragraphs.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Evaluative language
• Use evaluative language to strengthen the argument. Evaluative language is language that attributes value or worth to an idea or statement.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Nominalisation
• Try to change verbs into nouns to sound more objective. This is called nominalisation. For example, the verb ‘behave’ becomes the noun ‘behaviour’, ‘judge’ becomes the noun ‘judgment’, and so on.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Abstract nouns
• Use abstract nouns to explain things. An abstract nouns is the name of a quality, state or action
Example:
Effectiveness:
Noun groups
• Use detailed noun groups to provide information in a compact form. Noun groups expand or elaborate on a noun.
Example:
Effectiveness:
Clause combinations
• Use complex combinations of clauses as contrast. Conjunctions like although, because and while provide the link between ideas.
Example:
Effectiveness:
The Joy Luck Club: Key Scene Analysis
To gain a better understanding of how language and visual techniques work together to create meaning, it is a good idea to analyse a few key scenes from the text.
Activity
Make notes about a key scene in The Joy Luck Club, taking into account:
• language or visual techniques
• examples of the techniques from the text
• analysis of how these examples relate to belonging.
Then write a full analysis of the scene and its techniques, and their relation to belonging.
An example of a scene has been included in the following modelled response. After you have read the modelled response, choose a different scene to analyse.
Modelled response
Key scene: LENA ST. CLAIR, beginning of ‘Voice from the Wall’
Techniques and examples:
- Horrific images of murder – ‘Sword was cutting me down’, ‘cleaver to chop up his bones’
- Personification of ‘unspeakable terrors’ that ‘chased’ Lena’s mother
- Storytelling of the evil man in the basement
- Metaphors of horrible things Lena’s sees with her ‘Chinese eyes’ - lightning striking down little children, she squashing a beetle with the face of a child, dangerous monkey rings, tether balls splashing a girl’s head in front of laughing girls in a playground.
- Similes describe Lena’s appearance - ‘smooth as beach pebbles’ cheeks and her ‘faded in the sun’ skin.
- Visual image of Lena pushing her eyes in on the sides shows her determination to look Caucasian.
- Anecdote of Lena’s father changing his wife’s name and identity from a tiger to a dragon to show that her mother lost her tiger spirit.
Analysis:
- The effect of the imagination on Lena’s perception of the world is portrayed in the beginning of ‘Voices from the Wall’.
- Lena interprets what she is told about her family into horrible images of death and destruction, demonstrating her mistrust of her own culture.
- She perceives the beggar sentenced to death by her great-grandfather through images of pain and suffering - prevents belonging.
- Lena thinks that it does matter to ‘know what is the worst possible thing that could happen to you’ as this is the only way to avoid its affect.
- Her mother tells her a tale through storytelling about the evil man who lives in the basement to protect her child.
- The horrible things Lena’s sees with her Chinese eyes shows the difference between Chinese girls and Caucasian girls, saying that she saw things that they did not, emphasizing her isolation from the dominant American culture.
-Description of Lena’s appearance indicates her half Chinese and half Irish heritage and that people would not immediately recognise her difference.
- She identifies her eyes as being from her mother, with no eyelids, showing how she longed for rounder eyes, like other Caucasians.
- Lena compares her eyes to her mother’s in a photo taken on her wedding day.
- Lena’s mother is declared a Displaced Person, the authorities not knowing how to categorise her on her release from Angel Island Immigration Station as they did not have a category for Chinese wife of a Caucasian person.
- Her father innocently changes the identity of her mother, incorrectly writing her name and year of birth.
- The photo also shows her mother’s displacement through the wedding dress and Westernized jacket she is wearing.
- Her father misinterprets Lena’s mother’s startled look in the photograph as being due to her confusion about the word ‘cheese’ said by her father when the photo was taken.
- Lena suggests that her mother continued to look ‘waiting for something to happen’, only later she lost the ‘struggle to keep her eyes open’.
Full analysis of how the techniques and examples represent belonging:
The effect of the imagination on Lena’s perception of the world is portrayed in the beginning of ‘Voices from the Wall’. Lena perceives what she is told about her Chinese family through horrific images of murder – ‘Sword was cutting me down’, ‘cleaver to chop up his bones’ - demonstrating her mistrust of her own culture. She has an overactive imagination; she sees the worst in things, something she gets from her mother. Her mother interprets her daughter’s morbid thoughts as representing American culture; the morbid aspects of the culture she does not understand, although they are shared with Chinese culture. Lena perceives the beggar sentenced to death by her great-grandfather through images of pain and suffering - in this case through death. Her understanding of belonging goes beyond living - even through death one cannot escape pain and a harrowing sense of belonging. Lena thinks that it does matter to ‘know what is the worst possible thing that could happen to you’ as this is the only way to avoid its affect. ‘Knowing the worst possible thing that could happen to you’ becomes a metaphor for how people separate themselves from their own spirit and from their society. She thinks that these unspeakable things are what eat away at people from the inside. It’s these types of secrets that found their way to the ‘dark corner’ of her mother’s mind. She associates these thoughts as ‘devouring’ her mother until she became a ghost. Horrible events in life separate us from our true selves and prevent us from belonging.
Lena’s curiosity leads her to the basement of her house in Oakland that she was forbidden to enter. When she eventually pries the door to the basement open and falls into a ‘deep chasm’, her mother tells her a tale. The storytelling about the evil man, who lives in the basement and does horrible things to little girls like plant babies in their bellies only to eat them and their mothers, whole frighten Lena and separate her from her culture. The composer uses visual imagery of ‘horrible things’ Lena sees with her ‘Chinese eyes’ - lightning striking down little children, she squashing a beetle with the face of a child - as a way of showing the difference between Chinese girls and Caucasian girls. Lena recognises that she saw things that they did not - dangerous monkey rings, tether balls splashing a girl’s head in front of laughing girls in a playground - emphasising her isolation from the dominant American culture. These are painful, but humiliating images, indicating Lena’s shame of her culture.
The composer illustrates through visual imagery how character’s perceptions of physical appearances can prevent meaningful belonging. The description of Lena’s appearance indicates her half Chinese and half Irish heritage, highlighting the difficulty Lena experiences belonging to both cultures. The composer uses similes to describe Lena’s ‘smooth as beach pebbles’ cheeks and her ‘faded in the sun’ skin. Lena’s eyes are from her mother, with no eyelids, emphasising how she longed for rounder eyes, like other Caucasians. This is shown through a visual image of her pushing her eyes in on the sides attempting to look Caucasian, although she seemed odd as her father asked her why she looked scared. The comparison of a photo of Lena and her mother with the same startled look connects the mother and daughter. The visual image of the photo helps the responder to understand Lena’s mother’s struggle to belong as she was declared a Displaced Person. The authorities did not know how to categorise her on her release from Angel Island Immigration Station as they did not have a category for Chinese wife of a Caucasian person. The composer uses an anecdote from Lena’s father to show that her mother lost her tiger spirit. Her father innocently changes the identity of her mother, incorrectly writing her name and year of birth. Her mother lost her name and became a ‘dragon’ instead of a ‘tiger’. The dress her mother is wearing in the photo further develops her mother’s displacement. She is wearing a traditional Chinese dress, a wedding gift form Lena’s father, with a ‘Westernized suit jacket’ covering up her heritage. The jacket looks awkward on her ‘small body’. Lena interprets the image of her mother as showing that she was ‘neither coming from nor going to someplace,’ an unusual thought considering it was her wedding day. Lena’s father misinterprets Lena’s mother’s startled look in the photograph as being due to her confusion about the word ‘cheese’ said by her father when the photo was taken. Lena suggests that her mother continued to look like she was ‘waiting for something to happen’. Later, Lena realises, her mother lost the ‘struggle to keep her eyes open’, giving up hope of belonging comfortably in her new environment.
Activity
Make notes about a key scene in The Joy Luck Club, taking into account:
• language or visual techniques
• examples of the techniques from the text
• analysis of how these examples relate to belonging.
Then write a full analysis of the scene and its techniques, and their relation to belonging.
An example of a scene has been included in the following modelled response. After you have read the modelled response, choose a different scene to analyse.
Modelled response
Key scene: LENA ST. CLAIR, beginning of ‘Voice from the Wall’
Techniques and examples:
- Horrific images of murder – ‘Sword was cutting me down’, ‘cleaver to chop up his bones’
- Personification of ‘unspeakable terrors’ that ‘chased’ Lena’s mother
- Storytelling of the evil man in the basement
- Metaphors of horrible things Lena’s sees with her ‘Chinese eyes’ - lightning striking down little children, she squashing a beetle with the face of a child, dangerous monkey rings, tether balls splashing a girl’s head in front of laughing girls in a playground.
- Similes describe Lena’s appearance - ‘smooth as beach pebbles’ cheeks and her ‘faded in the sun’ skin.
- Visual image of Lena pushing her eyes in on the sides shows her determination to look Caucasian.
- Anecdote of Lena’s father changing his wife’s name and identity from a tiger to a dragon to show that her mother lost her tiger spirit.
Analysis:
- The effect of the imagination on Lena’s perception of the world is portrayed in the beginning of ‘Voices from the Wall’.
- Lena interprets what she is told about her family into horrible images of death and destruction, demonstrating her mistrust of her own culture.
- She perceives the beggar sentenced to death by her great-grandfather through images of pain and suffering - prevents belonging.
- Lena thinks that it does matter to ‘know what is the worst possible thing that could happen to you’ as this is the only way to avoid its affect.
- Her mother tells her a tale through storytelling about the evil man who lives in the basement to protect her child.
- The horrible things Lena’s sees with her Chinese eyes shows the difference between Chinese girls and Caucasian girls, saying that she saw things that they did not, emphasizing her isolation from the dominant American culture.
-Description of Lena’s appearance indicates her half Chinese and half Irish heritage and that people would not immediately recognise her difference.
- She identifies her eyes as being from her mother, with no eyelids, showing how she longed for rounder eyes, like other Caucasians.
- Lena compares her eyes to her mother’s in a photo taken on her wedding day.
- Lena’s mother is declared a Displaced Person, the authorities not knowing how to categorise her on her release from Angel Island Immigration Station as they did not have a category for Chinese wife of a Caucasian person.
- Her father innocently changes the identity of her mother, incorrectly writing her name and year of birth.
- The photo also shows her mother’s displacement through the wedding dress and Westernized jacket she is wearing.
- Her father misinterprets Lena’s mother’s startled look in the photograph as being due to her confusion about the word ‘cheese’ said by her father when the photo was taken.
- Lena suggests that her mother continued to look ‘waiting for something to happen’, only later she lost the ‘struggle to keep her eyes open’.
Full analysis of how the techniques and examples represent belonging:
The effect of the imagination on Lena’s perception of the world is portrayed in the beginning of ‘Voices from the Wall’. Lena perceives what she is told about her Chinese family through horrific images of murder – ‘Sword was cutting me down’, ‘cleaver to chop up his bones’ - demonstrating her mistrust of her own culture. She has an overactive imagination; she sees the worst in things, something she gets from her mother. Her mother interprets her daughter’s morbid thoughts as representing American culture; the morbid aspects of the culture she does not understand, although they are shared with Chinese culture. Lena perceives the beggar sentenced to death by her great-grandfather through images of pain and suffering - in this case through death. Her understanding of belonging goes beyond living - even through death one cannot escape pain and a harrowing sense of belonging. Lena thinks that it does matter to ‘know what is the worst possible thing that could happen to you’ as this is the only way to avoid its affect. ‘Knowing the worst possible thing that could happen to you’ becomes a metaphor for how people separate themselves from their own spirit and from their society. She thinks that these unspeakable things are what eat away at people from the inside. It’s these types of secrets that found their way to the ‘dark corner’ of her mother’s mind. She associates these thoughts as ‘devouring’ her mother until she became a ghost. Horrible events in life separate us from our true selves and prevent us from belonging.
Lena’s curiosity leads her to the basement of her house in Oakland that she was forbidden to enter. When she eventually pries the door to the basement open and falls into a ‘deep chasm’, her mother tells her a tale. The storytelling about the evil man, who lives in the basement and does horrible things to little girls like plant babies in their bellies only to eat them and their mothers, whole frighten Lena and separate her from her culture. The composer uses visual imagery of ‘horrible things’ Lena sees with her ‘Chinese eyes’ - lightning striking down little children, she squashing a beetle with the face of a child - as a way of showing the difference between Chinese girls and Caucasian girls. Lena recognises that she saw things that they did not - dangerous monkey rings, tether balls splashing a girl’s head in front of laughing girls in a playground - emphasising her isolation from the dominant American culture. These are painful, but humiliating images, indicating Lena’s shame of her culture.
The composer illustrates through visual imagery how character’s perceptions of physical appearances can prevent meaningful belonging. The description of Lena’s appearance indicates her half Chinese and half Irish heritage, highlighting the difficulty Lena experiences belonging to both cultures. The composer uses similes to describe Lena’s ‘smooth as beach pebbles’ cheeks and her ‘faded in the sun’ skin. Lena’s eyes are from her mother, with no eyelids, emphasising how she longed for rounder eyes, like other Caucasians. This is shown through a visual image of her pushing her eyes in on the sides attempting to look Caucasian, although she seemed odd as her father asked her why she looked scared. The comparison of a photo of Lena and her mother with the same startled look connects the mother and daughter. The visual image of the photo helps the responder to understand Lena’s mother’s struggle to belong as she was declared a Displaced Person. The authorities did not know how to categorise her on her release from Angel Island Immigration Station as they did not have a category for Chinese wife of a Caucasian person. The composer uses an anecdote from Lena’s father to show that her mother lost her tiger spirit. Her father innocently changes the identity of her mother, incorrectly writing her name and year of birth. Her mother lost her name and became a ‘dragon’ instead of a ‘tiger’. The dress her mother is wearing in the photo further develops her mother’s displacement. She is wearing a traditional Chinese dress, a wedding gift form Lena’s father, with a ‘Westernized suit jacket’ covering up her heritage. The jacket looks awkward on her ‘small body’. Lena interprets the image of her mother as showing that she was ‘neither coming from nor going to someplace,’ an unusual thought considering it was her wedding day. Lena’s father misinterprets Lena’s mother’s startled look in the photograph as being due to her confusion about the word ‘cheese’ said by her father when the photo was taken. Lena suggests that her mother continued to look like she was ‘waiting for something to happen’. Later, Lena realises, her mother lost the ‘struggle to keep her eyes open’, giving up hope of belonging comfortably in her new environment.
Creative Writing: Developing an Event
An event in a story refers to a significant incident that involves characters, setting, and usually tension or a turning point. Events are also called scenes or incidents. Events are important because they allow the reader to visualize what is happening to your characters.
Activity: (This should take about 10 minutes to complete)
Write an event involving a character you have written about or a character that is in your mind that you would like to develop further.
Modelled response
The mornings are flippant, so my mother told me. The way I hung my head upside down over the edge of the bed and dangled my arms from side to side when I was suppose to be getting dressed for the day ahead. How my mother washed in the bucket, scrubbing vigorously the ginger soap up her arms, under her arm pits. The water splashing out suspended in the air before zooming into the rough mat that signified the washroom. Her skin shiny and sore, like a burn after months of healing. How my brother flew his imaginary airplane along the sparse furniture that occupied the single room in our cottage, leaping and bounding through the space, knocking the richotty chair that he caught with his spare hand just before it hit the ground. He held the airplane in one hand and chair in the other, still in anticipation.
‘Billy,’ my mother shouted. ‘How many times do I have to tell you?’
She rose from her squatting position and put her wet hands on her hips, the liquid dripped down her bare legs. She stood there till my brother delicately returned the chair upright, patting it a little, smiling nervously at the wall, avoiding my mother’s eyes.
‘Go and get dressed, both of you.’ Her hands flung the air about as she sighed.
My favourite dress was neatly laid out on the crocheted rug of red my grandmother hand made when I was born. When I wore it I rubbed the lace at the trim so purposefully, that holes like moth bites had grown over the years. Bits of lace hung down to the ground, I refusing to tear them off even though I tripped often. My brother was already dressed. Always before me. He placed his rucksack on his back and moved toward the front door open to the wilderness.
My mother wrapped a shawl around her body and moved about the cottage, tidying up evidence of breakfast. ‘Late for work again,’ she said. ‘To the door, Rose.’
My mother helped me put the rucksack on my back and tapped me on the bottom toward the door. I joined my brother, facing my mother who leaned down in front of us. She cupped our chins with the palms of her hands and squeezed tenderly.
‘To your father's now,’ she said. I followed her gaze to my brother’s face as she intensified her hold on his chin. ‘No going off the path, do you hear?’
My brother’s head bobbed up and down in her palm. My mother satisfied stood up as we turned to the path leading from the door to the edge of the forest. I heard her good bye as we ran down the path with our bags jiggling on our backs.
Activity: (This should take about 10 minutes to complete)
Write an event involving a character you have written about or a character that is in your mind that you would like to develop further.
Modelled response
The mornings are flippant, so my mother told me. The way I hung my head upside down over the edge of the bed and dangled my arms from side to side when I was suppose to be getting dressed for the day ahead. How my mother washed in the bucket, scrubbing vigorously the ginger soap up her arms, under her arm pits. The water splashing out suspended in the air before zooming into the rough mat that signified the washroom. Her skin shiny and sore, like a burn after months of healing. How my brother flew his imaginary airplane along the sparse furniture that occupied the single room in our cottage, leaping and bounding through the space, knocking the richotty chair that he caught with his spare hand just before it hit the ground. He held the airplane in one hand and chair in the other, still in anticipation.
‘Billy,’ my mother shouted. ‘How many times do I have to tell you?’
She rose from her squatting position and put her wet hands on her hips, the liquid dripped down her bare legs. She stood there till my brother delicately returned the chair upright, patting it a little, smiling nervously at the wall, avoiding my mother’s eyes.
‘Go and get dressed, both of you.’ Her hands flung the air about as she sighed.
My favourite dress was neatly laid out on the crocheted rug of red my grandmother hand made when I was born. When I wore it I rubbed the lace at the trim so purposefully, that holes like moth bites had grown over the years. Bits of lace hung down to the ground, I refusing to tear them off even though I tripped often. My brother was already dressed. Always before me. He placed his rucksack on his back and moved toward the front door open to the wilderness.
My mother wrapped a shawl around her body and moved about the cottage, tidying up evidence of breakfast. ‘Late for work again,’ she said. ‘To the door, Rose.’
My mother helped me put the rucksack on my back and tapped me on the bottom toward the door. I joined my brother, facing my mother who leaned down in front of us. She cupped our chins with the palms of her hands and squeezed tenderly.
‘To your father's now,’ she said. I followed her gaze to my brother’s face as she intensified her hold on his chin. ‘No going off the path, do you hear?’
My brother’s head bobbed up and down in her palm. My mother satisfied stood up as we turned to the path leading from the door to the edge of the forest. I heard her good bye as we ran down the path with our bags jiggling on our backs.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Creative Writing: Characterisation
Developing character
Activity: (This should take about 10 minutes to complete)
1. One way of developing character is to freewrite about your character based on either chosen or given headings. These headings can inspire a history of your character. This activity is a good way to get to know the character that rests in your mind. Your short writing pieces can be used in a larger piece of writing or they can inform your character’s reactions to and attitudes about certain things that happen in the story.
2. You could also rewrite this activity into a journal. To do this, change the narrative to first person and see what happens.
Modelled response
My character is a man from the forest in a sort of fairytale like setting. When I was writing about this character, I was thinking about the woodchopper in ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ and the old woman from the confectionary house in ‘Hansel and Gretel’. These heading just popped into my head and I began to freewrite about them, without judging my writing or my thoughts.
The cauldron
He brought the cauldron from a local shepherd. It took several attempts to move the cauldron to his cottage. Carrying it with his bare hands was impossible, even cushioning the bottom with linen towels did not work. Pushing it like a boulder up a hill killed his back, and so he made a sort of pulley on wheels, much like the Egyptians used to move stone blocks from the quarry to the pyramid.
Teeth
The old man’s teeth where in good condition despite the amount of sweets he’d consumed over the years and the terrible state of the medical system. As a baby, his mother fed him honey when he refused to suckle from her boob as a way of soothing his relentless screeching. His sweet tooth grew from there into a thriving confectionary business. Today he preferred the organic ingredients from the forest surrounding his cottage, although he imported sugar cane from the far north. He worked alone these days, squeezing the sugar cane meticulously, preserving the taste and texture.
Failed recipes
For the old man, a deviation from his mother’s recipes for delicate sweets was a bruise to the ego so large that he would remain in his bed chamber for days. Once his attention was drawn temporarily away from the melting of the sugar cane by a swallow tapping on the door. The slight disruption allowed the syrup to burn slightly. Although you or I would not be able to tell, the smell of burnt toffee lingered in his subconscious for days to come.
Changed from a story to a journal
The cauldron The other day I brought the cauldron from a local shepherd. It took me several attempts to move the cauldron to my cottage. Carrying it with my bare hands was impossible, even cushioning the bottom with linen towels did not work. Pushing it like a boulder up a hill killed my back, and so I made a sort of pulley on wheels, much like the Egyptians used to move stone blocks from the quarry to the pyramid.
Activity: (This should take about 10 minutes to complete)
1. One way of developing character is to freewrite about your character based on either chosen or given headings. These headings can inspire a history of your character. This activity is a good way to get to know the character that rests in your mind. Your short writing pieces can be used in a larger piece of writing or they can inform your character’s reactions to and attitudes about certain things that happen in the story.
2. You could also rewrite this activity into a journal. To do this, change the narrative to first person and see what happens.
Modelled response
My character is a man from the forest in a sort of fairytale like setting. When I was writing about this character, I was thinking about the woodchopper in ‘Little Red Riding Hood’ and the old woman from the confectionary house in ‘Hansel and Gretel’. These heading just popped into my head and I began to freewrite about them, without judging my writing or my thoughts.
The cauldron
He brought the cauldron from a local shepherd. It took several attempts to move the cauldron to his cottage. Carrying it with his bare hands was impossible, even cushioning the bottom with linen towels did not work. Pushing it like a boulder up a hill killed his back, and so he made a sort of pulley on wheels, much like the Egyptians used to move stone blocks from the quarry to the pyramid.
Teeth
The old man’s teeth where in good condition despite the amount of sweets he’d consumed over the years and the terrible state of the medical system. As a baby, his mother fed him honey when he refused to suckle from her boob as a way of soothing his relentless screeching. His sweet tooth grew from there into a thriving confectionary business. Today he preferred the organic ingredients from the forest surrounding his cottage, although he imported sugar cane from the far north. He worked alone these days, squeezing the sugar cane meticulously, preserving the taste and texture.
Failed recipes
For the old man, a deviation from his mother’s recipes for delicate sweets was a bruise to the ego so large that he would remain in his bed chamber for days. Once his attention was drawn temporarily away from the melting of the sugar cane by a swallow tapping on the door. The slight disruption allowed the syrup to burn slightly. Although you or I would not be able to tell, the smell of burnt toffee lingered in his subconscious for days to come.
Changed from a story to a journal
The cauldron The other day I brought the cauldron from a local shepherd. It took me several attempts to move the cauldron to my cottage. Carrying it with my bare hands was impossible, even cushioning the bottom with linen towels did not work. Pushing it like a boulder up a hill killed my back, and so I made a sort of pulley on wheels, much like the Egyptians used to move stone blocks from the quarry to the pyramid.
Unseen texts: 'Drifters' & 'Welcome Stranger'
Sample HSC Exam Questions for Section 1
Text 1: Poem - ‘Drifters’ by Bruce Dawe (see link on right)
a i Discuss the problems conveyed by the composer about belonging in the text. (2 marks)
ii How has the composer used language techniques to express an attitude to belonging?
(3 marks)
Possible answers
a i
· The family is unable to establish roots because they keep moving house/communities.
· Some people in the family like moving from place to place, but others don’t (the kids are
‘wildly exited’ and the oldest girl is ‘close to tears’).
· The mother has abandoned control of where the family is headed.
ii
· Belonging to a place is closely tied to belonging in a family. All people in this family are affected by the father’s decision to relocate. To belong in this family, movement is necessary, despite individual wishes.
· Family members often have to compromise or sacrifice what they want in order to belong in their family. Some members wish to establish a permanent sense of place and others don’t. This is demonstrated through the juxtaposition of the differing perceptions of moving based on how they belonged in the place they were living – the oldest girl is on the verge of tears and the youngest girl is ‘beaming’. This is also shown in the mother’s acceptance of her ‘drifter’ lifestyle through the image of the ‘bottling-set / she never unpacked from Grovedale’.
· A lack of permanent place to live can provide for a spontaneous lifestyle – anything can happen. This is shown through the repetitive dialogue from the mother, ‘Make a wish, Tom, make a wish.’ The spontaneity of the lifestyle and the excitement caused by the announcement that they will be moving on is shown through the unusual ending of certain lines – ‘…tripping / everyone up’ and ‘…she was / happy here’. The position of the lines echoes the exited movement of the dog, getting in the way of the family packing.
Text 2: Newspaper article: ‘Welcome Stranger’ by Stephanie Dowrick (see link on right)
b i What comment is the composer making about including others in this newspaper article?
(2 marks)
ii Choose two language techniques and explain the way it supports an idea about belonging expressed in the writing. (3 marks)
Possible answers
b i
· That including others has a profound effect on an individual’s well being and self esteem.
· Going out of your way to include others is just as important as being included.
· Teaching our children to be conscious of including others affects the way they see the world as they grow up – as either friendly or hostile.
· Actively including others improves a person’s social and personal confidence.
ii
· The composer uses the word ‘includer’ to establish the significance of helping others to belong in situations that are foreign to them.
· The composer develops the idea that including others is relevant to all of us through imagery of common ways people exclude others such as the ''child alone in the playground’ and the ‘school girl being exiled’ in the playground. She compares this image to the ‘sharer at Pre School’ to illustrate the difference between feeling included and feeling excluded.
· Repetition of ‘great’ in ‘Great for them. Great for ourselves’ represents the effects of including others.
· The composer associates an ‘easy sense of belonging’ to feeling ‘safe’, both on the inside and the outside - in our thoughts of our behaviour and of ourselves.
Text 1 and 2: Poem and newspaper article
c Analyse how ONE text emphasises the effects of belonging on the individual’s understanding of the world. (5 marks)
Modelled response
The composer uses the word ‘includer’ to establish the significance of helping others to belong in situations that are foreign to them. She emphasises ‘vital’ in ‘vital for our own emotional health’ to demonstrate that a sense of belonging through feeling included by others has a positive impact on our emotional well being. She outlines through the ages how we can be includers – a sharer at preschool, adults looking out for a person, colleagues being sensitive to a newcomer. The composer develops the idea that including others is relevant to all of us through imagery of common ways people exclude others such as the ''child alone in the playground’ and the ‘school girl being exiled’ in the playground. She compares this image to the ‘sharer at Pre School’ to illustrate the difference between feeling excluded and feeling included. The composer feels we spend more time worrying about how we could be left out rather than how we can include others. She uses emotive words such as ‘disastrously’, ‘hurtful power plays’ to show that shunning is often used to create a sense of belonging, but at the ‘expense of others’. The composer is critical of this form of belonging as she states that it is ‘intrinsically self-centred’ and demonstrates ‘grave misunderstanding of what personal power’ represents. The deeper impact of excluding others is that it is founded on fear and extreme discomfort. The composer suggests that being real about our insecurities can lead to a greater sense of empathy for those who feel a similar way in situations where we easily belong. Repetition of ‘great’ in ‘Great for them. Great for ourselves’ represents the effects of including others. The composer associates an ‘easy sense of belonging’ to feeling ‘safe’, both on the inside and the outside - in our thoughts of our behaviour and of ourselves.
Text 1: Poem - ‘Drifters’ by Bruce Dawe (see link on right)
a i Discuss the problems conveyed by the composer about belonging in the text. (2 marks)
ii How has the composer used language techniques to express an attitude to belonging?
(3 marks)
Possible answers
a i
· The family is unable to establish roots because they keep moving house/communities.
· Some people in the family like moving from place to place, but others don’t (the kids are
‘wildly exited’ and the oldest girl is ‘close to tears’).
· The mother has abandoned control of where the family is headed.
ii
· Belonging to a place is closely tied to belonging in a family. All people in this family are affected by the father’s decision to relocate. To belong in this family, movement is necessary, despite individual wishes.
· Family members often have to compromise or sacrifice what they want in order to belong in their family. Some members wish to establish a permanent sense of place and others don’t. This is demonstrated through the juxtaposition of the differing perceptions of moving based on how they belonged in the place they were living – the oldest girl is on the verge of tears and the youngest girl is ‘beaming’. This is also shown in the mother’s acceptance of her ‘drifter’ lifestyle through the image of the ‘bottling-set / she never unpacked from Grovedale’.
· A lack of permanent place to live can provide for a spontaneous lifestyle – anything can happen. This is shown through the repetitive dialogue from the mother, ‘Make a wish, Tom, make a wish.’ The spontaneity of the lifestyle and the excitement caused by the announcement that they will be moving on is shown through the unusual ending of certain lines – ‘…tripping / everyone up’ and ‘…she was / happy here’. The position of the lines echoes the exited movement of the dog, getting in the way of the family packing.
Text 2: Newspaper article: ‘Welcome Stranger’ by Stephanie Dowrick (see link on right)
b i What comment is the composer making about including others in this newspaper article?
(2 marks)
ii Choose two language techniques and explain the way it supports an idea about belonging expressed in the writing. (3 marks)
Possible answers
b i
· That including others has a profound effect on an individual’s well being and self esteem.
· Going out of your way to include others is just as important as being included.
· Teaching our children to be conscious of including others affects the way they see the world as they grow up – as either friendly or hostile.
· Actively including others improves a person’s social and personal confidence.
ii
· The composer uses the word ‘includer’ to establish the significance of helping others to belong in situations that are foreign to them.
· The composer develops the idea that including others is relevant to all of us through imagery of common ways people exclude others such as the ''child alone in the playground’ and the ‘school girl being exiled’ in the playground. She compares this image to the ‘sharer at Pre School’ to illustrate the difference between feeling included and feeling excluded.
· Repetition of ‘great’ in ‘Great for them. Great for ourselves’ represents the effects of including others.
· The composer associates an ‘easy sense of belonging’ to feeling ‘safe’, both on the inside and the outside - in our thoughts of our behaviour and of ourselves.
Text 1 and 2: Poem and newspaper article
c Analyse how ONE text emphasises the effects of belonging on the individual’s understanding of the world. (5 marks)
Modelled response
The composer uses the word ‘includer’ to establish the significance of helping others to belong in situations that are foreign to them. She emphasises ‘vital’ in ‘vital for our own emotional health’ to demonstrate that a sense of belonging through feeling included by others has a positive impact on our emotional well being. She outlines through the ages how we can be includers – a sharer at preschool, adults looking out for a person, colleagues being sensitive to a newcomer. The composer develops the idea that including others is relevant to all of us through imagery of common ways people exclude others such as the ''child alone in the playground’ and the ‘school girl being exiled’ in the playground. She compares this image to the ‘sharer at Pre School’ to illustrate the difference between feeling excluded and feeling included. The composer feels we spend more time worrying about how we could be left out rather than how we can include others. She uses emotive words such as ‘disastrously’, ‘hurtful power plays’ to show that shunning is often used to create a sense of belonging, but at the ‘expense of others’. The composer is critical of this form of belonging as she states that it is ‘intrinsically self-centred’ and demonstrates ‘grave misunderstanding of what personal power’ represents. The deeper impact of excluding others is that it is founded on fear and extreme discomfort. The composer suggests that being real about our insecurities can lead to a greater sense of empathy for those who feel a similar way in situations where we easily belong. Repetition of ‘great’ in ‘Great for them. Great for ourselves’ represents the effects of including others. The composer associates an ‘easy sense of belonging’ to feeling ‘safe’, both on the inside and the outside - in our thoughts of our behaviour and of ourselves.
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